by Maurice Sanders
I asked myself while I was alone, sitting in the darkest part of my room, staring into the darkest part of my mind, traveling to the darkest part of my heart, what part of me wasn’t lovable before you decided it was okay for you to touch me in ways I never thought of or desired to be touched, and as I sat there, heart hurting from crying inside as my rock gut stored and recycled my pain I never formed an answer as my questions seemed to continue to mourn.
Who’s going to love you now, when will this nightmare ever end, how will I survive this pain, why was I ever born and how will I overcome this scar? With nothing but darkness to grip me, all I thought about was you.
And as I sit here alone in the corner of my bed, in the darkest part of my room traveling though the darkest part of my heart, trying to find structure and balance in the darkest part of her fears reading from the pages of the greatest story that was never told from a girl I loved and knew, I asked the source of her pain without any fears, worries or blame as I mustered up all the courage I ever knew, “But let’s just make this very clear, this is exactly what I feared.” What gave you the right to end what was ours and what was true and who gave you permission to touch her, and as I continue to carry on and read from the pages that was sung with tears lining the corner of my eyes, my heart hurting from wanting a gentle caress to ease the tightness inside my chest, my hands shaking from the madness that surrounds me from a girl I favored and somehow knew, as she was struggling to exist, reading out loud her deepest wish, wanting so badly to strengthen her strength so somehow she’ll pull through, I read the words that struck my nerves and I don’t know what to do as she wrote with courage and determination I knew that the cancer had grew, as she stated in loud bold letters like she wanted to yell and scream “Who invited you inside of my skin to crush all of my hopes and dreams and what gave you the right to touch me.”
Tears finally fell from my eyes at that moment with no surprise and my pain started to rise as my questions grew and my blame became a nightmare and my fear became so clear as I lost the little girl I loved and knew and the world was there to behold the greatest story that was never told as my darkness covered my soul and left a scar that never healed and only grew, from the invasion of her skin and a touch that will never end from a form that’s known as cancer that’s the truth, as my darkness became so clear and my heart formed its own tears I was forced to say goodbye to me and you.
I wish the world could somehow know about the greatest story that was never told about a boy that lost his soul and now he’s confused and a girl that stole his heart but was taken in the darkness by a scar that left its mark on who she knew and a girl that only loved and that’s the truth.